Greetings, carbon-based beer enthusiasts.
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BeerAlien here, transmitting from orbit above St. Louis, Missouri, where one of Earth’s longest-operating independent craft breweries—Schlafly Beer—has released a new beverage designed for a curious human ritual known as “Dry January.”
The liquid in question: Schlafly NA IPA, a non-alcoholic beer engineered to deliver full IPA flavor while keeping alcohol levels minimal enough to appease health-focused humans, designated drivers, and those “just taking a break.”
Our sensors confirm: this is not a compromise beer.
Flavor Scan Complete: Mango, Guava, and Crisp Terrestrial Satisfaction
According to BeerAlien taste-analysis protocols, Schlafly NA IPA opens with a tropical aroma, producing detectable notes of mango and guava, followed by a clean, crisp finish on the palate.
Translation for humans: it drinks like an IPA should—bright, refreshing, and satisfying—without the ethanol payload.
This release builds on Schlafly’s non-alcoholic brewing program, which began in 2024 with Schlafly NA Pale Ale. Since then, the brewery’s brewing team has refined its process to preserve real beer flavor while keeping alcohol levels extremely low.
BeerAlien conclusion: this is a beer made by brewers who actually care.
Non-Alcoholic, Not Non-Serious
Schlafly NA IPA joins Schlafly NA Pale Ale as a second non-alcoholic option for Schlafly’s core audience—drinkers who expect the same quality, balance, and intention found in every Schlafly release.
This pairing gives humans more ways to participate in Dry January without resorting to flavored carbonated disappointment.
BeerAlien approves hydration strategy.
Availability Across the Schlafly Universe
Schlafly NA IPA is available now in 6-pack cans throughout Schlafly’s distribution network and at the brewery’s St. Louis-area brewpubs:
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Schlafly Tap Room (Downtown St. Louis)
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Schlafly Bottleworks (Maplewood neighborhood)
The beer is also flowing across Schlafly’s broader distribution footprint, making it accessible to humans across the Midwest and East Coast.
About Schlafly Beer (Earth Archive Entry)
Founded in St. Louis, Schlafly Beer holds the designation of the city’s original independent craft brewery. Its brewing operations span a wide range of styles, utilizing hops, malts, grains, fruits, natural ingredients, and yeast strains sourced from across Earth’s continents.
Schlafly maintains strong commitments to sustainability, local partnerships, and community involvement—behaviors BeerAlien classifies as “long-term planetary thinking.”
In addition to its packaged beers, Schlafly operates multiple full-service restaurants and bars, including:
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Schlafly Tap Room
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Schlafly Bottleworks
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Schlafly Bankside
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Schlafly Highland Square
Humans may monitor Schlafly Beer’s activities via Earth communication platforms known as Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, or explore the full beer catalog at www.schlafly.com.
đź‘˝ Final Transmission
Schlafly NA IPA proves that non-alcoholic beer no longer means flavor sacrifice. It means intention, precision, and keeping beer culture inclusive—even when humans temporarily abstain from alcohol.
BeerAlien recommends raising a glass—alcoholic or not—and starting the year hydrated, flavorful, and satisfied.
Transmission complete.
🛸🍺
