We might be Beer Aliens, but we are not at all immune to the charms of you Earth people. So perhaps it comes as no surprise that TheChive‘s titillating photo albums are officially considered the second best thing on Earth. I first heard about TheChive while I was hanging out in the Cenxar Quadrant with some of my Flopnard friends while drinking some cask conditioned Dilphlaxian Ale (the real stuff, not that fake contract brewed stuff). What shocked me was that the conversation in the bar centered around TheChive, all the way from Planet Earth. Their charities, the DAR, FLBP, you name it,… it was being put up on the 2000’ Megatron screen to the raucous cheers of a multitude of species Out There. That was some time ago; then they went and did this. “Keep Calm and Chive On”, indeed!
It goes without saying that Chive-obsessed Aliens from across the galaxy swarmed Earth to get some. I think this may have created a shortage for the rest of humanity; sorry about that! But now at least it looks like supplies are leveling off — along with the hangovers. The shortage effected me as well, as I was unable to coax a sample from any of my Flopnard friends (who had much more than they deserved, those greedy bastards!). But do not feel too bad for me because I recently finally got my hands on a 6-pack of my very own — and now I am ready to post a review
I poured this beer into my trusty Tulip glass (which is almost the only way I drink my beers anymore). It pours with a creamy light tan head that dissipates quickly. This is so immensely dark — like that black hole out past Dargoth IX — that you have to be careful not to look too closely, or you may get pulled in by its gravitational vortex. Ill tempered event horizons are a real danger out there, trust me on this one, okay?
The aroma gives off slight hints of nuttiness, with even more subtle coffee and caramel hints. But talk of the aroma ends there, as it is very faint and almost not worth any further mentioning. Primarily due to the darkness of the beer, this almost fooled me into thinking this was a Porter or Stout (that’s what I get for conversing with Flopnards while drinking beer!), the mouthfeel was lighter than I was expecting. Very much in line with what you would expect for a Lager.
The taste you get is soft with very slight malty notes, with no hint of hops (and why would there be at 22 IBU?). This beer is something you could drink all day and feel happy about it — and quite possibly not even be fit shaced at the end. Just make sure that the folks you’re drinking this with have a tab up at the bar, okay? Yep, especially if they’re Flopnards!
Note of no particular interest to anyone but the Author: This is my first ever beer review.
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